Matt's Words of Wisdom
Why I Stopped Dating
On January 1, 2021 I made a commitment to not date women for a year.
All of my life, I’ve struggled with relationships.
I’ve been with kind, driven, beautiful women who have inspired me to be better and been there for me through the good and bad times.
I’m so thankful for each of them.
But last year, after another break up, something felt off.
I wasn’t evolving.
I was repeating the same patterns.
I got irritated by the same things, I wasn’t communicating how I really felt, and I didn’t want to get too close for fear of being hurt.
It’s common knowledge that 50% of couples get divorced.
But we forget about the other 50%.
I bet 40% of those still married are unhappy with their relationships.
That leaves us with 10% of married couples that are consistently happy and evolving together.
This is all a guesstimate, but you get the point. Relationships are hard.
But what makes relationships especially difficult is when you haven’t dealt with your own shit.
If we don’t consciously make an effort to become aware of our childhood wounds and heal them, they’ll continue to run the show.
Your irritation with your partner often isn't them. It’s the kid inside you that's still hurt. It could be fear of abandonment, feeling unseen or worse.
We all have something.
So that’s why I’ve taken the year off from the dating scene.
Like a computer that’s frozen, I've had to unplug and a reboot.
I’m healing so that I can show up as an emotional adult, not an emotional child, in a future relationship.
That means doing loads of therapy, meditation, and journaling.
It’s uncomfortable to say no to dating. To meet someone I click with and not ask her out. But I trust it’s worth it.
Our partner can’t save us from ourselves. Only we can do that.
After four months on this journey, I feel outstanding. I catch myself falling into patterns much faster, I feel calmer, more confident in myself and more willing to listen to my own needs.
And the bonus is that I now have more women friends :)